Don’t be a Prisoner to Life
We do NOT have to be prisoners to life! I was talking to someone yesterday who feels stuck in a number of ways – financially, relationship, and educationally. I kept pointing out the things that she DID have available, how far she’d already come and the huge benefit to rediscovering where she wanted to go. Everything I said she had a defensive answer for on why those things didn’t mean anything and wouldn’t work to help her move forward. These conversations are the most f*cking frustrating to me. That’s why I choose who I coach and work with. Anyway….
But I get it. I understand why so many people like her think they are at the whim of outside circumstances. It’s what we are taught from an early age. We learn to blame others, our surroundings and our “lot in life” as a way to cope with stress and disappointment.
But, the concept that we are prisoners to the outside world is completely skewed and dis-empowers us. It may make us feel better in the short term when we screw up, but ultimately it completely takes away our autonomy, self-identity and independence.
So, it’s a two-edged sword. If we believe we our controlled by the world around us, we don’t have to take responsibility for the crap in our lives, and that comforts us. If we believe that we always have a choice in how we respond to life, that WE create our reality, then we have to deal with the fact that we CANNOT blame anyone or anything for where we are.
However, realizing and accepting that we have total power over ourselves also gives us total freedom! Freedom to change who we are with, what we do, where we live, etc. I can already hear some people saying “But I HAVE to stay here because I have so much invested, this is just who I am, I don’t know how” or the classic, “Well, I guess it is what it is.” Bullshit! You have been lied to about how the world works and how much power and control you have over your own life.
Listen, I have worked at multiple nonprofit agencies that had about 90% “peers” as employees. This means that they have some type of mental health “condition.” You know what we all had in common? We had accepted the reality of what life handed us, and in spite of or even BECAUSE of that, had decided to be in the game, kicking ass and helping others. We chose not to be prisoners to life’s circumstances. So please don’t tell me this can’t be done, no matter what your situation.
A side note: I will often get a message from a friend after a post like this asking if I’m ok, that I sound so angry. I am very OK but I DO get really angry. Not at the people I’m trying to reach or the folks I work with. Never. I get angry at the absolutely f*cked up systems that we have in place that trains people that they aren’t good enough, aren’t in control, are too screwed up to have a great life. If you know my back story you will understand why.
I despise when someone is told they can’t do something. In fact, if you have a counselor, teacher, friend, family member or colleague that says to you that you are not capable of something – fire the counselor and stay as far away as possible from the rest. People say this crap to others as a way to protect their own belief system that is still telling them to blame the world for their own weaknesses.
And you don’t need that toxic shit if you are trying to break out of the “mental prison.”