Childhood Trauma & Remembering Who the F*ck You Really Are

I was talking to someone this morning about how childhood trauma affects us in adulthood. And trauma can be a number of things, right? Sexual/physical abuse, the loss of someone close, chronic medical issues, living with a parent that has serious mental illness or an addiction issue, severe bullying, etc., etc. Remember, we are children when this is happening. Little, tiny people trying to figure out what’s going on around us and why. We are small but our brains are like sponges taking EVERYTHING in.

And, as children, we are egocentric. This means we think that we are responsible for everything happening around us. So, when daddy is unhappy, and beating mom, it is our fault. Or if mom is getting drunk again, WE must have done something wrong. That’s a ton of shit to put on a little boy or girl!

As adults, the effects of these experiences and the mix of emotions attached to them show up in some pretty predictable ways. Because we don’t feel we have much of a sense of control, the overuse of substances and/or behaviors (alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, porn, shopping, food) which gives us back a false sense of safety and control is very common. Feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety, restlessness, grief, sadness and anger are typically present as adults. Insomnia, trust issues, lowered immune system, self-harming and a heightened stress response are also fairly prevalent.

However, one of the most devastating ramifications of childhood trauma that isn’t talked about as much, is the loss of self-identity that one ends up with as an adult. And we NEED to look at this way more, because it is in the recovery of who the f*ck we are that we are able to move forward. By reclaiming our true selves, we are freed from all the bullshit that was taught to us directly and indirectly. The crap that we have continued to tell ourselves with each passing day.

And I’m not talking about some mystical fairy and butterflies, self-help, new age, true self. I’m talking about remembering who we are in the sense of what gives us a feeling of personal power and control,  what interests us to the point of forgetting time, what activities give us real meaning, what challenges us, who we “were” at 10 years old, what are our core values are, etc.?

If you have dealt with trauma as a child (and I think almost everyone has) know that: 1. Many of the ways you think and act are a direct result of that, especially the “unhealthier” ones and they are lies. And, 2. Do everything you can to try and remember who you really are and what you really believe in. It takes some work and some soul searching but the rewards are exceedingly worth it!