A Life Changing Concept

THOUGHTS ARE NOT FACTS:

“Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts or happenings. It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever flowing through one’s head.” – Mark Twain

True, we can have thoughts about facts – that car is blue – but these are still just thoughts. The problem is that we have been thinking thoughts for so long we have come to believe them as being facts. When we have crappy thoughts that upset us it’s really easy to convince ourselves that they are facts.

For example, my high school guidance counselor told me I wasn’t college material. He said to not even bother applying. I thought that this was true for years. When I finally did go to college in my mid-twenties I got almost straight A’s. I have my Master’s Degree and am currently working on my Doctorate. Our thoughts (and the opinions of other people) are NOT facts!

Another example is if you were walking down the street and waved to a friend across the street and they didn’t wave back. The fact is they didn’t wave back. A thought that might arise in us is “They ignored me, which means they don’t like me.” But, they might just not have seen us. Or, they might have something so daunting on their mind they were simple not feeling friendly in that moment.

Why is it important to separate thoughts from facts?

1. We often continue a downward spiral of thoughts from the original thought. They even become beliefs. For instance if we stand on a scale and it reads 240 pounds our thought may be “I’m fat”, then “I’m a lazy piece of shit”, then “I will never look good” and so on. The fact that the scale read 240 has nothing to do with our thoughts yet we believe them to be fact also. If you used to weigh 300 pounds, the scale being 240 would be a cause for celebration. If you were 8 feet tall, 240 pounds would be slim. The fact is the 240 reading. Whatever follows that is only thought, which we can change.

2. We believe our thought about memories more than actual facts. Because our thoughts create feelings, and are often very emotionally charged, when looking back at events we see the events through our own warped lenses. If you were let go from a job because the company had lost its funding but your perception at the time was that you just sucked at your duties and no one liked you, you remember the event that way. And not only do remember your thoughts but all of the horrible feelings it evoked. Again, our thoughts (rather than the facts) of this past event often spirals into beliefs of not being good enough, likable, etc.

3. The HUGE reason to separate thoughts from facts is that we CAN change our thoughts about something! If it’s raining out (fact) and you create a feeling of sadness through your thoughts, you can instantly change your thinking, thus your feelings (more about how thoughts control feelings in an upcoming post).

Just knowing that are thoughts are not facts can be life changing and give us new perspective!

But here is a little trick from cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help you separate the two and move forward when you are stuck:

1. When you are feeling an especially strong negative emotion, such as anger, sadness, or anxiety, stop and identify the thoughts that seem most responsible for fueling the emotion.

2. Pick the thought that packs the most punch, and remember that it is just one way of making sense of the available facts, and is not necessarily a fact itself.

3. Brainstorm as many other hypotheses as you can, regardless of whether or not you believe them.

4. Pick a few that seem helpful, and write out how you might feel or act differently if you adopted this new thought

5. Once you decide on the most helpful way of making sense of the current situation, remind yourself of this new thought as much as you can. It won’t make the other thought disappear, but it will certainly reduce the old thought’s airtime in your mind, making it less dominant over your feelings and behavior.

By switching your orientation to thoughts as guesses instead of facts, you can learn to more flexibly and effectively think about a variety of different situations. Ultimately, this will likely result in you feeling better when challenges arise. Loosening your grip on unhelpful thought patterns can also help you make better choices, and act more effectively in difficult circumstances. http://cogbtherapy.com/cbt-blog/cbt-techniques-treating-thoughts-as-guesses